PRIVATE
Yeumtong Sept 2nd [18]49
Dear B
Yesterday I wrote you and fulminated an epistle to C at the same time whilst I get your telling me not to scold him any more excellent advice, the best - for what are the use of my hints, or bold blow ups? What gets my back up is, that I got no support from Campbell and I cannot tell you the sleepless nights this foolish affair of the Lepcha Shikari has cost me, not on the man's or my own account, but from the fear (all but amounting to conviction) that an affair which I have told all hands I regard as most grave, will be stirred by him. I left in the position of a fool who has made a demand about nothing. You who know what it is to be left in the lurch at a pinch - what it is to have to maintain your own position, dignity, respect, character and all besides having to carry your own way can best appreciate my position. This this hour he has never reported the Choongam Lama's insolence and the Lachen Soubah's obstruction to the Rajah and he never will, to this hour he refrains from insisting on my being treated like a gentleman, though he knows full well that the Rajah's orders are that I am not to be considered in Sikkim.
Now Hodgson mark this - he has blamed me [3] times, not angrily or harshly, nor given me a moment's vexation thereby and I only quote this as contrast. I am blamed 1st for giving my promise that I would not enter Cheen when I saw that the thing was impracticable and even making out the passes with that view (taken by all the people for granted) was impracticable and even making out the passes with that view (taken by all the people for granted) was impracticable and that I believe my pursuits would most seriously be impeded and that the inevitable failure would be regarded as a triumph 2nd for crossing the Thlonok into Tibet, when I followed the spirit and the letter of yours and C's injunctions to go ahead. Guilty as best I could when finally opposed or at a loss I was both decisively opposed at Samdong, and at a loss about the road I took that I thought would lead to the Pass, I did not believe I was in Cheen and had not a ghost of a reason for believing I was
3rd for not taking the Soubah's word and coming back from the upper Samdong, when I held in my hand Campbell's order to proceed to Kongra Lama and had by patience and bribery and perseverence (of which he has no idea) through Nimbo's active help made out that Kongra Lama was the Pass as independently indicated by him Campbell. I only quote these things as contrast to this - that of all the complaints I have forwarded to C if the conduct of Rajah's authority and people not one has called forth the allusion of his disapprobation from him. On the contrary, the tender of his correspondence is to blaming me * them; of his order to uphold them and to depress me - am I wrong in saying as I do in my yesterday's to himself that my complaints, tend to prejudice me in his eyes? It is harsh I grant, but as I tell him too on my honor as a Gentleman I will hold my tongue for ever but he shall know the reason
